Jason you absolutely amaze and frighten me. Corrie what did he have to do to get you to let him keep this thing?

Maybe I should bury it in a box next to the dead pigeon in the back yard. Or may it should just go in the trash. Or maybe I could take it to the the hazardous materials disposal place.

Christ.
LOL

Ahem.

When I moved out of my mom’s house at the end of high school in 1990 and moved to Tucson, into the dorms, I stole a steak from her. It sat in my mini fridge in the dorms for 9 months. Then, it came back to Phx with me and went back into her fridge for a weekend, before going into the fridge of my new apartment, where it stayed for the next three months. Then, it moved back to Tucson with me, but our power wasn’t yet turned on, so it sat in a cooler filled with ice for three days, after which it went into the freezer.

It stayed there for another six months, at which point it moved back to Phoenix with me, where it went into my new freezer with my psycho girlfriend (she wasn’t in the freezer, the steak-like substance was). It stayed there for another year and a half, at which point, it moved about a block away, into a new freezer, where it stayed for another month. Then it sat in ice for another day or so during a move, finally reappearing in a freezer in Mesa.

At this point, I had my dog deballed, and asked the vet to put the testicles into a formaldehyde jar for me. These sat in the freezer, on top of the steak and next to the icecubes, for another year. To the horror of anyone who ever tried to put ice into a drink. At the end of the year, the testicles where decayed away to nothing, but the Smitty’s Quality Steak from 1989 was still going strong.

There was a quick move into a small apartment in Tempe, but the steak only lived there for three months or so, then it moved to The Lakes area of into Tempe, where it stayed for another 3 years, surviving many attempts by roommates to throw it away. The steak is its own entity.

After this, it moved to downtown Phoenix, where it was periodically assaulted by sketchy neighbors trying to borrow 17 cents to get to the methodone clinic at 4am. It only lasted about four months in downtown Phoenix, before moving back to Tempe again, where it went into a freezer that was not opened for another year.

Finally, it moved in with Corrie, who immediately attempted to get rid of it. But fortunately (for the steak), I put my foot down and told her that if the steak went, I went to. The steak (and I) stayed.

But, it wasn’t feasible for the entity that was once a steak to move to Spain with us, so now Darcy has inherited the steak. Treat it well, Darcy, and honor it, for you have been entrusted with a mission who’s import cannot be overstated! And enjoy the barbecue…

This entry was posted on Monday, July 9th, 2007 at 1:56 am by Jason and is filed under Spain. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.